Before we get into a little male chauvinist humor, let’s get a couple things straight. Men love women — even when we dislike like them. Women are grand beings and complete the circle of life (was that going too far?) Okay, you get the point — so please don’t barrage me with anti-male hate email okay?

Male Chauvinist Jokes

• How many men does it take to open a beer ?
  None. It should be opened when she brings it.
• Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
  Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
• Why do women have smaller feet than men?
  It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
• How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
  When she starts a sentence with “A man once told me…”
• How do you fix a woman’s watch?
  You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.
• Why do men fart more than women?
  Because women can’t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
• If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
  The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.
• What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
  A woman who won’t do what she’s told
• I married a Miss Right.
  I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
• Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%.
  It’s called a Wedding Cake.
• Why do men die before their wives?
  They want to.
• Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beergut, and still think they are sexy.
• In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
  Then God created Man and rested.
  Then God created Woman.
  Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Recommend this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women who can handle the truth!