1. You had to let your belt out one notch, then two, then ...
  2. Your penis looks smaller. Even worse, you can't see it anymore.
  3. You suddenly realize your stomach has turned into a convenient shelf for holding your beer while watching TV.
  4. You have to look in the mirror to see if your shoes match your suit.
  5. You've taken up the habit of leaving your shirt un-tucked.
  6. You have to reach for your keyboard.
  7. Every time you eat candy bar, you tell yourself you need to stop eating candy bars.
  8. Your wife/girlfriend starts referring to your physique as "just more to love".
  9. They're no longer "love handles" but full on "suitcases".
  10. And the number ten sign you're getting fat is...

  11. You're not fat. It's all just a lie perpetrated by society, woman, and health magazines trying to sell you Ab Machines that promise you the perfect physique but don't work and just end up taking up space and becoming a really expensive clothes rack.